An Autumn Midnight

Workout

autumnmidnight — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:08:25 +0000

His breathing intensifies accelerating unbearable. He pushes the solid surface beneath his palms, fighting to get away from her, pushes away only to be pulled back. He repeats again and again, each repitition working his body as a piston. Each push escorted by an exhaling burst, each failure accompanied by a desperate inhaling fortification. He cannot escape her.

Lost

autumnmidnight — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 01:54:20 +0000

He’s been here before

though he doesn’t know it.

He stands rigid

unmoving upon a

surface black as nothing.

But the surface is

alive, shifting beneath

waving breathing crashing.

Ahead, miles away

yet just within reach,

the woods stand guard

trees at their posts

nothing skirts by.

He knows this place.

Lights, translucent

but vibrant, dance

upon the dark shapes

like wisps of sand over

smooth desert rock, their

glimmering majesty

both ominous and pure.

The source of light is

unknown, coming from

behind above or

below, though he

cannot turn to see.

He can only stand,

a servant to the

grandness gleaming

before him. He reaches

out, but the shapes fall

back disappearing

to the endless void.

That or the woods

remain while the lights

fade back. He knows not

which; a moot point, as

darkness swallows him.

Prelude

autumnmidnight — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:01:34 +0000

A chilly but gradually warming early morning. A processional of cars orderly fills the grass parking lot. Players by the dozens trek across the fields in anticipation for the weekend.

The sun creeps higher above the horizon. Lines of footprints meander through a veil of dew covering the grass. Young men and women alike cluster about the fields as they begin rituals of wrapping ankles, lacing cleats, and .

Discs begin to fly between bodies. Between throwing and catching, hands rub together to warm chilled hands. Bands of players jog laps around end zones to waken the legs.

Individuals conglomerate into teams as they run quick drills to instill focus. The drills disband as teams form into huddles. Rising bellows of intensity propagate through the brisk air.

A chilly but gradually warming early morning. A processional of cars orderly fills the grass parking lot. Players by the dozens trek across the fields in anticipation for the weekend.

erudition

autumnmidnight — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:43:06 +0000

took a walk tonight. it had been awhile since i’d walked at night. used to do it all the time in iowa city, but the area of charlotte i live in doesn’t have any good areas to walk through. sounds ridiculous, i know. just something about the neighborhood makes it such that i can’t think and lose myself the way i used to back in iowa city. tonight got my mind turning so it was relieving.

i know it’s the name of my site and all, but i really love autumn. i’ve had this dreadful feeling all summer that i won’t get to experience autumn in iowa this year. i guess i’m afraid the season doesn’t occur in charlotte the way it does in the midwest. or maybe i’m afraid i won’t have anyone to share it with like i did last year. then again, whenever i think of autumn, it’s always through images of iowa city, so perhaps it’s just the town that i miss. maybe i need both to fill this void.

it was a clear sky tonight. stars were out. made me feel like i wasn’t totally alone. funny the way they do that.

the line

autumnmidnight — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 01:36:58 +0000

i’m doing it. walking my line, the one i worked so hard to trace for myself. i believed this was the direction i wanted to take, but lately i find myself questioning ideas which i thought to be well-grounded. it’s something beyond doubt though, something bigger. don’t know what it is, but it feels almost like a loss of faith. not religious faith, but faith in what i believed i knew about myself. i feel largely disillusioned, let down by that to which my desired path has lead me. maybe i need to re-examine my tracing, or perhaps my line is adequate as is, but simply lacks something i need, perhaps more than one thing is lacking. i’m more inclined to think the latter, which means i need to find those missing pieces.

still missing iowa. is iowa one of the missing pieces?

trenchant

autumnmidnight — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:35:34 +0000

i feel like going into a building and swinging a bat until the entire structure tumbles to the ground.

autumnmidnight — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 00:48:42 +0000

sorry i’m not home right now

i’m walking into spiderwebs

so leave a message

and i’ll call you back

iowa

autumnmidnight — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:13:02 +0000

i miss iowa, really do. love that state. makes me proud, really does. just wish its DOT didn’t hate me.

still miss you though.

unaquired

autumnmidnight — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:09:44 +0000

just watched the assassination of jesse james by the coward robert ford. slow and methodical, but had me in its grip from beginning to end. cinematography absolutely gorgeous, nice to see not all films have resorted to handheld camera work. so obvious that every shot, every placement, every movement has a predestined purpose, that the filmmakers know exactly what they want out of every take. also really digged the sporadic narration. crazy how emotionless the voice was and how ubiquitous it was to the story. also gotta say how natural all the dialogue sounded, the writing and the delivery. some modern westerns can’t make it as seamless as what they’re aiming for and it comes off as overdone and unnatural.

my mom and sister are flying in for the weekend. it’s been incredibly lonely here in charlotte, but their upcoming visit has caused me more anxiety than excitement for some reason. can’t really put my finger on it, but then again emotions have been all over the place lately. today was simply shitty. lot of anxiety about the coming weeks and months, where i’ll end up and dealing with finances. hoping that seeing my family will help calm my nerves, give me a fresh step at facing the future.

been raining here a lot lately. love the smell of rain.

badly played

autumnmidnight — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 02:14:44 +0000

a war around a table

six folds makes it a dual

flop

three misses make a scattered board

but one in six brings a glimmer of hope

test the waters

take a stab

partner pursues

turn

one in six becomes one in twelve

don’t show weakness

keep leaning

doesn’t shake him

river

seven high

fuck

desperation

inhale

fire a final round

does he run?

he pushes

exhale

five second pause

nice hand

cards in the muck